โIt was three oโclock in the morning and I really wanted to go to sleep but my boyfriend of nine months didnโt seem tired, and neither did the woman weโd just had sex with. My eyelids were drooping, but I did not want to be the one to break it up, or go to bed first.
โโShall we open up some more wine?โ Laura* suggested.
My boyfriend read my expression and knew that the last thing I wanted was to stay up even later, drinking even more. โI think we should head to bed,โ he replied. I felt grateful โ until I realised that his suggestion had opened a whole new can of worms.
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โWe had discussed the sleeping arrangements earlier along with everything else, but that was before, and this was now. I recall feeling slightly panicked that James* would forget what weโd agreed on, or that Laura would be upset with the plan. โIโll get the sofa bed out,โ James declared, leaving a long pause. โI donโt mind sleeping in here with you guys,โ replied Laura.
โIf Iโd been holding Jamesโs hand, I would have dug my nails in, but Laura was between us with our duvet pulled up to her shoulders. I tried to look like it didnโt bother me โ I donโt think I did a good job, because James took over. โI think itโll be a bit cramped,โ he said. โDo you want tea?โ
โNot wanting to sleep with Laura wasnโt about what weโd just done โ weโd been planning the threesome for six weeks and I was happy weโd gone through with it โ but the bed wasnโt big enough for three. I also didnโt want to sleep with someone I barely knew.
โJames and Laura went to the kitchen and I thought about changing the sheets โ but I donโt when just James and I have sex, so I didnโt. I knew it would look like I was freaking out.
โThe next morning we had breakfast together, but I wanted Laura to go so I could be alone with James. I wanted to talk about what happened and to go back to bed and enjoy each other all over again. When she did leave, Laura kissed me on the cheek and James on the lips. The night before, Iโd watched her have sex with him without a twinge of jealousy, but now, as I watched her kiss him, I was overcome with it.
โWe still see Laura occasionally, socially, and the fact weโve been together isnโt something Iโve ever tried to hide. I donโt regret it; itโs still one of my hottest memories โ the one that James and I talk about the most in bed. However, thereโs more to it than that. The way James treated me, that he was so sensitive to my needs and emotions, was a foundation on which Iโve built my trust in him ever since.
โI think of what happened that night as a bit like bungee jumping. Iโm glad I tried it โ it was fun โ but that doesnโt mean itโs changed me as a person, or that Iโm in any rush to do it again.โ