With every passing day, it feels as if there’s another man with a microphone spruiking his hot take on self-improvement under a pseudo-scientific guise of good intentions, and today (sadly) is no exception. The latest melon to record his perspective and push it out into the public realm is Australian creator, and host of The Pocket podcast, Chris Griffin, who decided it was a great idea to share some choice words on women in the workforce and hit ‘publish’.
The episode opens with Griffin saying he’d rather have a partner who was free from the apparent shackles of gainful employment “unless she wants to work.” The line is delivered over an aesthetic B-roll of a woman sifting through CDs (!!!) in a box with bubble wrap – assumedly selected as a a visual representation of the burden that Griffin so graciously offers an alternative to as the episode continues.
As motivational music plays in the background, Griffin explains that instead of his partner coming home from work and complaining, “when we don’t need you to make the money because we’re sorted,” he wants the eyes of his significant other to “light up with excitement” when he drops his working-man briefcase and asks “how was your day babe?” And what would he like her answer to be? “Whatever the fuck it was,” he shrugs, before regaling us with every gals dream: “I collected four postcards today!”
To this, his equally as passionate co-host, Wade Papenfus chimes in with an enthusiastic “And that’s energy too. It’s so good!” and for a second, we thought they were going to high five and boop each other tenderly on the nose. But alas, the words kept coming.
“It’s the calm, it’s the harmony, it’s the peace and love that a man that’s got a busy life, that’s chasing his dreams, needs when he’s trying to wind down.
“This is why I heavily encourage ‘hot girl walks’. I would love my partner to go on a hot girl walk with her friends every day,” he tells Papenfus, who contributes an “awesome” in return.
Griffin explains (for those unfamiliar with the term) that they help women to reconnect with their “feminine energy” and “have a bit of excitement about their day.” Now, don’t get us wrong – we love a “hot girl walk”. What we don’t love though, is being told to take one so we’re easier to manage by 5.30pm.
Why Is The Pocket‘s Message So Problematic?
Shockingly, Griffin’s comments struck a nerve – and not just because of the phrasing. In dressing up their patriarchal drivel as a motivational clip describing control like it’s a love language, it ignores the real-world consequences of discouraging financial independence.
On the surface, it might seem like a modern take on support: “If she doesn’t have to work, why should she?” But that logic conveniently ignores the reasons so many people have to work – financial safety, personal autonomy, and a basic right to self-determination among them.
Kic co-founder Laura Henshaw was among the first to call Griffin out for the harmful and outdated messaging. She’s right. You can’t empower your partner by disempowering her. Suggesting that a partner should stay home so they’re better equipped to care for you emotionally isn’t just misguided – it’s a gendered version of outsourcing therapy.
“As women, we don’t exist to ‘serve’ our partners. To live our days so we can be in a ‘good mood’ for them,” she shared in response to the episode.
“It’s really important women (all people) people empowered to work to: (1) Not be completely financially dependent within a relationship which can lead to financial abuse (2) Be empowered to establish a career so if you do separate you have built skills so you can get a job to support yourself (3) Build up our superannuation for retirement.”
Importantly, Henshaw also noted the fact that women over 55 make up Australia’s fastest growing group of unhoused people – a glaring statistic that’s reached epidemic levels.
In response to Henshaw, Griffin decided to double down by refuting her claims that the messaging was “toxic” and insisting he wanted to “provide, protect and lead with strength.” Adding, that there were “too many weak men out there” – a phenomenon he argued led to the birth of “toxic femininity” or – what he calls “the hyper-independent, ‘I don’t need a man’ culture.”
“Men and women are equal, absolutely.” he continued. “But we are not the same. Pretending we are strips away our natural strengths and creates confusion instead of connection.”
We can’t stress enough that there’s nothing wrong with choosing a slower lifestyle, or opting out of traditional employment. But that decision should be made with equal power – and understanding – on both sides. Not because your boyfriend listened to a couple of podcasts and decided “feminine energy” and “collecting postcards” was the answer to his emotionally unregulated woes.
If men like Chris and Wade really want a partner who is “calm” and challenge-free then might we offer a revolutionary thought? Try supporting your partner’s ambition and respecting they’re independence. Encourage them to build a career – not because she has to, but because she gets to. Because until men stop romanticising control and start advocating for equity, women will keep paying the price, sometimes with their livelihoods, and far too often, with their lives.
And in the meantime, let’s normalise men swapping mics for diaries of the unrecorded kind, please and thank you.
Related articles:
- Dear Men, Please Stop Expecting Us To Educate You
- So You Want To Leave Your Career To Raise A Family?
- Unpacking The ‘Ballerina Farm’ Article Backlash
