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I remember when I first became aware of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s relationship. I was 12 years old, standing in Video Ezy. And I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the cover of Gigli. While my dad told me we weren’t watching it for family movie night, Affleck and Lopez enchanted me. They both had such great hair and glossy abs. They seemed so adult.
While Gigli’s director told Rolling Stone he refuses to refer to the film by name, describing it as “a bloody mess that deserved its excoriation” from shipwreck, a beautiful thing grew: Bennifer.
And, while the definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice, I’ve found myself heartbroken again to hear rumours that the “fever dream” of their second-round romance was headed for the rocks. Now, it’s finally over. But why do I care?
Bennifer: Hollywood’s Most Chaotic Love Story
In 2016 Lopez spoke about her breakup with Affleck. Lopez said in an interview with People: “We didn’t try to have a public relationship; we just happened to be together at the birth of the tabloids”. Bennifer’s made-for-the-cover celebrity gossip rag pap walks filled newsagency stands, and grocery check-out aisles made some question how publicity-shy they actually were. As did their music video cameos and their persistent co-staring in box office flops (they tried again with Jersey Girl in 2004).
Either they were drawn to the limelight, or the limelight was drawn to them and their his-and-her fake tans. Affleck and J.Lo (both Leos) had an out-of-touches-ness that spoke to a different generation of celebrities. They were early aughts Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor with stronger hold hair gel and more body oil.
Then, one day before their wedding ceremony, it was all off. The wedding was initially delayed, citing the need to hire three separate “decoy brides” as the reason. But soon, the relationship was over for real.
To a jaded celebrity-watching the public, the news surprised approximately nobody. To a 14-year-old me, staring gobsmacked at headlines in a local newsagency, it was a tragedy on the scale of Romeo and Juliet. I’d been studying both stories closely during school hours.
Lopez wrote in her 2014 book True Love that the split with Ben was her first “real heartbreak. “It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest,” adding that they had split just when she thought, “We were committing to each other forever.” This led some Bennifer fans (like me) to conclude that it was Affleck who called things off.
I've decided that this Ben Affleck meme is way better if you pretend he's still Shakespeare from Shakespeare in Love, but years of writing did this to him. pic.twitter.com/2KWlEGk061
— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) March 11, 2022
In the interim years, they both married a couple more times and sadboy Dad-bod Affleck, with his Dunkin Donuts perma-melancholy expression, became a meme. Jennifer Lopez starred in the critically acclaimed film Hustlers. Her Hollywood dollar was at a high.
The Birth Of Bennifer 2.0
Then, in 2021, almost twenty years and several divorces later, they were back on. Unlike other celebrities who surreptitiously get back together, they were proudly and firmly in the spotlight. By all reports, Affleck was jetting all over the place to see Lopez. It’s the deadbeat ex-boyfriend who comes crawling back to you fantasy. And, the two seemed happy!
Could Lopez cure sad-Fleck? While getting back together with an ex is generally frowned upon, surely a 20-year consideration period indicates true love? In August of that year, Affleck was seen browsing engagement rings with his mum at Tiffany’s (could all their relationship need was a change of engagement ring brand?). By April the following year they were engaged. Lopez gleefully announced the news by adding a diamond ring emoji to her Twitter handle and directing to an update on her blog (On The JLo for anyone wondering).
Variety reported Jane Fonda, Lopez’s long-time mentor, as saying, “I believe that everyone in the entire world is pulling for this relationship and this love.” That is too true.
I’d consider myself a relationship cynic, generally uninterested in the toings and froings of celebrity couples. But, I found Bennifer’s reunion intensely reassuring. There was something relatable about the chaos of their early years, his f*ckboy behaviour, her guileless open heart.
Maybe they were perfect for each other.
Why Do I Care So Much About Bennifer?
But, tabloid speculation that their sunny romance imploding has been rife since May. Ben was seen again complaining about the public nature of their relationship, which seemed to indicate Lopez wanted things more public than he did. In Lopez’s documentary, The Greatest Lovestory Never Told. Soundingly suspiciously like the boyfriend who says he loves you but never posts you on Instagram, he said they were “trying to learn to compromise” when it came to social media posts.
Lopez, on her side, was seen sharing private love letters Affleck had written to her with other people. As an oversharing queen, I relate to, if not approve of, this.
Parasocial Relationships And Bennifer 2.0
Lissy Abrahams, a psychotherapist specialising in couples counselling, says idealising other people’s relationships isn’t uncommon. “In a situation like ‘Bennifer,’ we create a fantasy where these two famous and talented individuals create a powerful couple, and the union must be even greater than their individual parts.” These ‘couples’ can represent certain things to us.
In this case, she suspects Bennifer are triggering my desire for open and close love stories. “They’re a second chance redemption couple story; who reinvigorate our deep desire for the ‘in love and happy ever after a couple.'” Maybe that’s why something about the improbability of Bennifer charmed me: two deeply flawed, intensely glamorous people finding solace in each other. Or, perhaps, it represented the triumph of hope over experience. The deadbeat boyfriend returning, transformed into the kind of lover you always wanted him to be.
Meanwhile, Ash King, a psychologist and social media researcher, says my preoccupation with another couple’s romance is actually primaeval. She explains that while “parasocial relationships”, a term that refers to the intense bonds that we form with celebrities and influencers online, is a relatively new term that’s become popular in the age of social media it’s grounded in evolutionary human instincts.
“Gossip existed within small communities we evolved in,” she explains, “we needed to keep an eye on what other people were doing, understanding the things that might get them ostracised, or us ostracised so we could figure out how to behave.” Far from being nosy, caring about other people’s relationships is part of a survival mechanism. “We’re very drawn to understanding how relationships work, even when we’re not in them. When you think about the movies, books and stories we consume – how many of them are about relational dynamics? You probably won’t be able to think of many stories that don’t involve a relationship of some kind.”
The End Of Bennifer
On the 20th of May, Page Six quotes Affleck’s friends as saying, “If there was a way to divorce on the grounds of temporary insanity, he would.” He’s been seen zipping around his exes’ place on a scooter, ciggie in mouth. Lopez has spent her film’s promotional tour dodging questions about her movie release and has cancelled her This Is Me… Live tour to lick her wounds in Italy.
In my view, Affleck’s alarming appearance in LA last week was the no-turning-back for Bennifer. As People declared, the actor was seen swearing “a black Red Hot Chilli Peppers T-shirt during the daytime” and sporting a faux hawk during the daytime. It’s chilling news to any woman navigating rocky relationship territory. For a woman dating a 51-year-old man; it’s romantic pepper spray.
Like any woman who has taken an ex back, the slow relapse into bad behaviour and worse clothes can and should fill our hearts with dread.
While J.Lo’s sharing of love letters and X posting might be inappropriate, I refuse to fault the six-times-engaged hopeless romantic.
In conversation with Variety, promoting her peculiar fictionalised biopic The Greatest Love Story Never Told, a production Lopez spent $20 million dollars on to reflect on her tumultuous love life and the closure she’s found with Affleck Lopez reflects on her love life it’s apparent that she, like me, thought she’d found peace.
“Now I feel like because Ben and I have rediscovered each other – and now that we’re married – I have something to offer. This is the defining piece of work that’s going to close that chapter so I can move on to the next part of my life.” While yes, this is deeply misguided, the desire to see our romantic lives settled and old wounds heal is universal. Unfortunately, you can’t always dig the Red Hot Chilli Peppers T-Shirt out of the back of a guy’s closet.
Bennifer is the ultimate real-life romcom with a not-so-happy ending. And, I’ll remain glued to it.
Related Posts:
- Jennifer Lopez Has Filed For Divorce From Ben Affleck
- The Complete Relationship Timeline Of Jennifer Lopez And Ben Affleck
- Jennifer Lopez Kicked Off Leo Season With A Lavish ‘Bridgerton’ Themed Birthday Party
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