Spot an older man with a younger woman and you barely do a double take. George Clooney and Amal Clooney have an age difference of 17 years. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are 25 years apart. Brad Pitt is now 60, while his girlfriend Ines de Ramon is 34. And Google will tell you that Leonardo DiCaprio has never dated a woman aged 27 or older (he’s now 49).
Like I said, we’re used to it. We’re conditioned to expect that old men like to date young, beautiful women. Yet, reverse it, and there’s instant taboo. We don’t talk about age-gap relationships from women’s perspectives and when we do, we throw a big stigma at it. We judge. Boy do we judge.
The Age Gap Between French President Emmanuel Macron And Wife Brigitte Macron
Take the handsome French President Emmanuel Macron, whose wife Brigitte Macron is 24 years older than her husband. They met when Emmanuel was a 15-year-old student and Brigitte was his 39-year-old drama teacher. They later married in 2007 when Emmanuel was 29, and Brigitte was 54. Macron’s daughter, Tiphaine Auzière, has admitted that the age-gap embarrassed her. She was just 10-years-old when she found out that her mother was seeing a pupil.
I’ll be honest: I can’t help but judge. Does age not matter in love? What is an acceptable age gap in relationships? The teacher-student relationship feels uncomfortable. It feels wrong. And this sense of unease has nothing to do with gender, it’s more the imbalance of power than exists in a student-teacher relationship. And yet, they have maintained and nurtured a strong partnership, so given I’m in the midst of a divorce, who am I to judge?
What Happened In The Movie May December?
Of late, there have been a number of films released which explore age-gaps in relationships – specifically older women, younger men. I recently watched the movie May December on the plane back from Paris. Starring Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore, the film explores the controversial romance between a woman and a much younger man. It’s loosely based on the real-life story of Mary Kay Letourneau, who had a sexual relationship with her 12-year-old student, Vili Fualaau. Feel uncomfortable? I did.
In the movie, it’s explained that Gracie (Moore) was 36 years old when she began a relationship with Joe (Charles Melton), who was 13 at the time. Again, it feels so wrong. And as the film unravels, the societal taboo surrounding this significant age gap doesn’t ease and you witness the long-term consequences of such a controversial relationship. It raises uncomfortable questions about power dynamics, consent, and the lasting impact of taboo relationships. You’re left wondering if any kind of love would be worth the heartache and judgement bestowed on you by an age-gap so vast.
Anne Hathaway Is “Too Hot” For Her New Role
More recently, two of Hollywood’s biggest names have starred in movies with similar plots. Both narratives feature successful, mature women who find unexpected connections with younger men.
As a 42-year-old newly single woman, I watched both films, wondering if the universe was trying to tell me something.
Is the cougar back?
And if it is, can we re-think the name cougar because Stifler’s-mom-vibes isn’t really my kind of thing (as much as I love Jennifer Coolidge).
In the film The Idea of You, you discover the story of a 40-year-old divorced mum (Anne Hathaway) who finds herself in a relationship with a 24-year-old boy band member (Nicholas Galitzine). It’s a light rom-com with a happy ending and not nearly as shocking as May December. The smaller age gap makes it feel much lighter. Less confronting. There’s also no student-teacher dynamic in play. The plot is more innocent – it’s just a guy from a boy band falling for a hot mum.
Hathaway has been called “too hot” for the role of a 40-year-old mum. One reviewer wrote: “I find it beyond irksome that a woman who looks, sounds, and lives like Anne Hathaway (and, for that matter Solène) is trumpeted as the poster child for an authentic woman over 40.”
Agreed, but let’s also remember, it’s a movie. It’s fantasy.
And in my fantasy, I would also look like Hathaway, run a chic art gallery and wear cute dresses.
That’s the whole point of movies – to take us far, far away.
I’m a rom-com junkie, so I loved it. But that’s me – I’m easy to please.
What Is Nicole Kidman’s New Role In ‘A Family Affair’
In the romantic comedy A Family Affair, a widowed writer (Nicole Kidman), begins a relationship with a young actor (Zac Effron) who her daughter works for. They get drunk one day on tequila and the rest is history.
Kidman told Variety magazine: “It’s always been because [of] the nature of the world and the history of the way it’s been; it’s always been older men and younger women … I think needs to be kind of demystified.”
As always, Kidman plays the role well. She’s smart, sexy and the kind of woman who turns up to a dinner date in a mini dress with legs for days.
In both movies, they have mind-blowing sex, are incredibly beautiful, and grapple with finding happiness while navigating societal judgment and family dynamics (both films feature a mother whose child finally appreciates the sacrifices made).
Ultimately, you’ll watch portrayals of women embracing their desires and redefining their identities beyond traditional roles. And while a lot of it is fantasy (Nicole Kidman’s designer wardrobe included), the pressure women feel to conform to society’s expectation of how a woman should act is real.
The pressure to put everyone else’s needs above your own is no joke, particularly when you’re a mother or carer.
Hathaway told The New York times the character felt familiar. “I recognised aspects of myself in her. I recognised aspects of friends or women I admire. She had a richness to her, combined with this idea that early in her life she had been a people pleaser. I was excited by that idea of somebody at a place in their life where they’ve grown out of that phase.” The lesson? Learning how not to people please if a gift.
Is The Cougar Really Back?
So are cougars are making a comeback?
At 65, Madonna, would probably say yes (although she’s reportedly split with her boxer boyfriend Josh Popper, 30).
As usual, it’s complicated. Student-teacher relationships are never ever appropriate in my opinion.
But there’s still a double standard. An older man with a younger woman barely raises an eyebrow, but reverse the genders, and suddenly everyone has an opinion.
If we don’t blink when Leo steps out with yet another 20-year-old, why should we comment on older women with younger men? Perhaps it’s time we retire the term cougar altogether.
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