We all know the drill. You’re paying the bills at home, one eye on the computer and the other on the dog whose medicine is due within the hour. You’re also thinking about your child’s upcoming birthday party, while simultaneously making sure your dinner doesn’t burn in the oven. It’s just another day in the life.
When did the idea of “women having it all” turn into “women having all the responsibility”? Well, this phenomenon has been dubbed ‘The Mental Load,’ depicted in a recent viral comic by French artist ‘Emma’.
The ‘mental load’ is the inner monologue that plays in the minds of many women, in which you decipher the things that need doing that no one else sees but you. You know, when you’re sitting in front of the TV wondering whether you should bring the washing in because you overheard on the news there’s a 22% chance it’s going to rain.
You’re the project manager of the entire house and you need to keep it running like a well-oiled machine. That means the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, childcare, maintenance – you take responsibility for it.
“The problem is this is a whole job in itself,” Emma says in the comic. “So when we ask women to take on this task of organisation, and at the same time execute a large portion, in the end it represents 75 per cent of the work.”
Like all forms of inequality, the people who profit from it tend not to see it. According to research by sociologist Dr Leah Ruppanner, “when women start to cohabit, their housework time goes up while men’s goes down, regardless of their employment status.”
(Ruppanner’s research also made note that “when men don’t do an equal share of housework, those men end up divorced.” Interesting.)
While yes, men statistically do more housework than they have in previous generations, they have also maintained the luxury of separating the physical from the mental responsibilities that exist at home. That’s why this comic explains the concept so well, because it doesn’t undercut or degrade the role of men in the household. While many men take on many household duties, many don’t think about the day to day operations (unless prompted of course).
Going to work all day, then coming home to do an extra five hours has just become many women’s realities.
“Once we become mothers this double responsibility blows up in our face,” writes Emma. “And once we’re back at work, things will get so hellish that it will feel less exhausting to keep doing everything rather than battle with our partner to do his share.”
“It’s permanent and exhausting work. And it’s invisible.”
And what’s the counterargument? “Just don’t do the work,” right? The main flaw in this solution is that, women want the work done not because they want to do it, but because of the peaceful environment it creates in the household. If no one pays the bills, or remembers the eldest has casual clothes day, buys toilet paper, or thinks about when the bins need to be taken out – things fall apart.
We know what you’re thinking: Thanks marie claire for addressing the problem, but what about providing some solutions.
Well, because we know your mental load is already full to the brim, here are some suggested amendments you can make to lighten your responsibilities:
- Delegate areas of responsibility, ie: “You worry about the kids medical appointments, while I take care of the pets.”
- Try to stop overloading your schedule to make life more comfortable for others. If something doesn’t directly affect you, don’t do it and let it go.
- If someone around you (partner/child/parent etc) attempts to help and take a task off of you – don’t micro manage. Resist the urge to criticize or “just show you how it’s done really quick.” And while they’re figuring it out, enjoy your me time.
Browse Emma’s comics in their hilarious entirety on her website now.
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