Disney+
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives‘ opening sequence stars Kim Petras and Sam Smith’s Unholy as the women in the show’s cast reflect on living as Mormons. Tune into this series for more than a couple of minutes, and you’ll see that amidst the TikTok squabbling, Jimmy Choos and chats about breast augmentation, there’s an existential question about the capacity of young modern women to participate in the Mormon church they were brought up in.
In the first few minutes of the show montages of images and TikTok videos flash across the screen alluding to the “MomTok” drama that engulfed a small group of Utah influencers in 2022 when the leader of the group, Taylor Frankie Paul an influencer with 4.4 million followers, admitted to cheating on her husband and seemingly exposed a group of Mormon “soft swingers.” While not a lot of context is given in the show, it’s pretty much what it sounds like.
The lyrics of the sex-laced song “She got married to a boy like you… He lucky lucky lucky” are fitting as the cast of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives recount their experiences in the Mormon church, catering to their husbands.
“I grew up in a glass box thinking that everybody lives this way, that everybody in the world is Mormon,” says Whitney Leavitt. “No piercings, no tattoos, your body is a temple, no caffeine,” Mikayla Matthews lists by heart before quipping, “Have babies by the time you’re 21, or in my case, 16.”
Then Taylor Frankie Paul, founder of #MomTok and ostensible star of the series, jumps in with her story. “A lot of mums love the foundation of our church,” she explains: “love, family, service.” But Mikayla adds, “For a lot of us, following the rules of the Mormon religion is just impossible.”
In this introduction, the cast of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, all twenty- and thirty-somethings, make it immediately clear that while they’re clad in miniskirts and Juicy-Couture-esque tracksuits and clutching Stanley cups, the expectations on them as daughters and wives, are in their view, archaic. “We were supposed to be housewives serving every desire of men,” says Paul. “I thought f*ck that.”
#MomTok, it appears, is at war with Mormonism.
What Has The Church Of The Latter Day Saints Had To Say About #MomTok
Of all the Christian religions, Mormonism has perhaps stirred up the most intrigue; from Polygamy and health codes (no caffeine, no alcohol), rules around participation that have a cultish ring to sectarian outsiders and a controversial founder — it’s a theological standout. Mormons have been depicted in hit TV series like Big Love, which depicted the travails of a Polygamous Mormon family, and were the subject of the non-fiction book (written by journalist Jon Krakauer) and then adapted series Under the Banner of Heaven, which documented a high-profile homicide within the church. Recently, Mormonism has become a pop-culture phenomenon, with Mormon ” trad wife” influencers like Hannah Neeleman rising to prominence and sparking backlash towards the church.
You’d think The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, informally known as the LDS or the Mormon Church, would be grateful for #MomTok, a group of glossy-haired women in their twenties and thirties bringing a glamorous version of Mormonism into the 2020s. But they aren’t loving it.
On August 16th, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints published a post titled When Entertainment Media Distorts Faith. It didn’t directly refer to The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. But, considering the TikTok drama (which has also been accompanied by plenty of Trad Wife drama), it’s fair to say their statement about “gross misrepresentations” by media included reality TV shows, and TikTok accounts devoted to Mormonism. They described these as “depict[ing] lifestyles and practices blatantly inconsistent with the church’s teachings.”
One core tenet of Mormonism is the sanctity of the family and children, placing importance on the mother as child-bearer. However, as The New York Times reported, younger women are leaving the church and others like it in droves.
Polls conducted by the Survey Center on American Life have indicated that young women are outstripping men with regard to low levels of religious engagement. The report read: “Gen Z men are only 11 points more religiously unaffiliated than baby boomer men, but the gap among women is almost two and a half times as large. Thirty-nine per cent of Gen Z women are unaffiliated compared to only 14 percent of baby boomer women.” And, as The New York Times reported, the proportion of unaffiliated millennial women is close to 34 per cent.
In the religious mayhem, it feels like the cast of Mormon wives is trying to find a new path. “We’re a new generation of Mormon women,” says Jen Affleck [yes, related by marriage to Ben]. “We have a platform that the generation didn’t have before us.”
9 Ways The Mormon Wives Of #MomTok Are Women In Revolt
They’re Questioning The Age At Which They Marry
In the seventh episode of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, one of the cast members observes: “It’s a theme with our church, though, and kind of what the problem is. Everyone is getting married before their brains even develop.” Taylor Frankie Paul, who is onto partner number three, openly says she was pressured into marriage at nineteen by her mother and the church because she was having sex outside of marriage with her then-boyfriend, now ex-husband. She tells her parents in episode two that despite being pregnant and moving in with her new boyfriend, she’s reluctant to marry him after what she felt was a rushed first wedding.
And then, in the most controversial moment of the TV series, Mikayla Matthews quips that one of the rules “have babies by the time you’re 21” was, “in my case, 16.” The fact that Matthews’s husband at the time was 21 has stirred plenty of controversy on the internet.
Meanwhile, the members of #MomTok say they’re intentionally revolting. “We’re trying to break the rules and modernise and normalise that type of thing that starts with us… we’re breaking the norms and raising a new generation,” says Whitney.
The Mormon Wives Are Breadwinners
Within Mormonism, it is established that husbands and fathers are the presiding authority over the family. This is a key tenant espoused by most TikTok trad wives and an assumption most people make about modern Mormons.
When Taylor Frankie Paul corralled a group of young Mormon women in a Utah community to start MomTok she wanted to provide them with a place to have fun, express themselves and make money. On the platform, they danced (often seductively), chanted, pouted and, between it all, provided parenting advice. It changed the eight women’s lives. “I got 60,000 followers in under a week,” says one of the members. What followed was cash from the TikTok creator fund, brand deals and sponsorships for both MomTok and individual creators’ platforms.
At one point, as the girls gather in the kitchen, someone asks if anyone isn’t the breadwinner in their family. There are a few sheepish looks and a resounding “no.” Even Jen Affleck, arguably the most compliant in her adherence to the rules of the religion is supporting her husband through medical school with her social media earnings. And there’s not a lot of gratitude.
She confesses: “The male typically being the sole provider within our religion makes our situation a little bit tricky and so there’s definitely a lot of tension in our relationship.”
They’re Reclaiming Their Identity
The anti-hero of the group, Whitney Leavitt, reflects on joining MomTok. She says having your first child is supposed to be a shining moment in a Mormon woman’s life. But instead, she felt like she lost her identity. “After I had my first child, I had this… is this my life now? Am I just a mum?,” she’s quick to add. “which I’m not saying is a bad thing. [But] being invited to MomTok and being with other women who had the same goals was refreshing, and it was exciting”. On #MomTok they gather to chant prayers “Please Lord, make me the biggest star the world has ever known.” And the prayer worked. Currently, the tag MomTok has been mentioned in 5.2 million posts, along with “what is momtok” (396.5) and Mom Tok TikTok (184.8).
They’re Providing Sex Education (For Cash)
In one of the opening scenes of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, Taylor Frankie Paul sits down with Mayci Neeley to catch up after a long hiatus. Conversation almost immediately turns to sex with Neeley complaining that her husband barely ever initiates it. Frankie Paul says wisely that men aren’t mind readers, but Neeley says, “What do I have to do? Walk around the house in my lingerie??” Given one rule of Mormon-ism for those married in “the Temple” is the wearing of sacred (and very modest) temple garments worn day and night by Members of the LDS church, the very concept of lingerie is outside the rulebook.
The conversation instantly establishes that these Mormon women, far from being one-time swingers, value sex and pleasure in their relationships – to the extent of occasionally sounding like teenage boys. At one point speculating about Taylor Frankie Paul’s new romance, Neeley quips, “Taylor thinks with her vagina.”
There are more thoughtful discussions about sex and pleasure, though. As Whitney discusses a potential $20k sex toy sponsorship post.
“A lot of women, because of shame and lack of knowledge, don’t even orgasm,” she says. Layla Tayla, 23, sticks up her hand to confess that despite being a mother of two kids she’s never had an orgasm there’s shrieking giggles and tossed around vibrators. Layla Tayla, now divorced, reflects: “Before you get married, sex is taboo, but afterwards you’re expected to be a pornstar for your husband.”
“Sex isn’t just about the guy. It’s about us too; the more you enjoy it, the more they enjoy it,” says Jen Affleck. “I don’t have that problem, I enjoy it plenty.” In a camera cut, she says, “I’ve always been super comfortable with my sexuality, um, which I definitely think has also gotten me in trouble. Because I am a conservative Mormon, I do follow all those rules.” Affleck seems to question whether actively enjoying sex in your marriage sits outside those rules.
They’re Fans Of Crop Tops (Scandalously)
The Church of Jesus Christ’s position on the use of cosmetics is complicated. As TikTok tradwives will attest, looking like a Barbie doll for your husband is actively encouraged. While makeup isn’t required, the church suggests “natural” but “attractive” hair and makeup. The Church of Jesus Christ website reads: “In addition to avoiding clothing that is revealing, we should avoid extremes in clothing, appearance, and hairstyle.”
Frankie Paul, perched in an interview, points to her hot pink skin-tight mini dress and quips is far from unrevealed quipping, “I feel like the Mom in Mean Girls”. For the most part, #MomTokers will show off their pregnant bellies or washboard abs happily and dress to command attention because on TikTok, that’s showbiz.
Mormon Wives Get Plastic Surgery, And They Talk About It
In the third episode of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, the girls go on a day trip to get injectibles. In the second episode, Taylor Frankie Paul shows off her new set of breasts with Whitney and Neeley cooing and cupping them in a cafe. Meanwhile, as per an interview with Daily Mail, the now divorced Layla Taylor has revealed she’s had six cosmetic “tweakments” including a nose job, breast implants and tummy tuck while her co-star Demi Engemann said she’d had rhinoplasty. Engemann shared that despite the church’s “official” objections, surgery is pretty common in the Mormon community. “We all got this done before we were 20 years old,” Engemann says, “That’s just the Utah Way.” Jessi Ngatikaura has undergone labiaplasty, quipping “My meat curtains they just hang low” to surprised co-stars in episode six.
Of course, getting cosmetic treatments or plastic surgery is a personal choice that shouldn’t be conflated with an act of radical feminism. But, the Utah Mormon “mom’s openness about these surgeries flies in the face of modern church teachings, which are typically coy about them.
According to an article published in The Church of Jesus Christ of The Latter Day Saints, “the Church has no official position on cosmetic plastic surgery in general because most Mormon scriptures were written pre-plastic surgery, vibrators, and TikTok.” However, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has strongly encouraged Mormon women to embrace their natural beauty, emphasising their impact on Mormon children.
“In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive… And if adults are preoccupied with appearance – tucking and nipping and implanting and remodelling everything that can be remodelled – those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children…”.
The #MomTokers of Mormon Wives don’t have these concerns, openly embracing hair extensions, injections and implants in all their forms.
They Talk About Infidelity And Divorce
In the Mormon church, the family is sacred, and despite their longstanding affiliation with Polygamy, infidelity is a huge no. On the list of sins, violations of “chastity”, which allude to sex outside of marriage, come only after “the spilling of innocent blood” and “denying the Holy Ghost”.
While the Mormon #Momtokers went viral for soft-swinging, definitely outside the Mormon scriptures, they also have surprisingly direct conversations about nonconsensual infidelity on the show. In one scene, Whitney talks to her husband about his use of Tinder and his pornography addiction. Leavitt’s husband admitted in a YouTube video in December that “I had a presence on Tinder. But it stemmed from addiction… [I] wasn’t looking for anything [and] never met anyone.” He said he told his wife the whole truth because he wanted “…her to have the ability to make any decisions she wanted to make.” Meanwhile, Taylor Frankie Paul kicked off the entire MomTok scandal with her direct
The Mormon Wives Like To Party
Taylor Franki Paul’s drinking is a huge topic in The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. The series opens with Taylor Frankie Paul telling her sober boyfriend his non-drinking could be a deal breaker. “I love to party,” she says. Then, she’s arrested on domestic violence charges and goes sober herself. Jessi Ngatikaura is seen drinking alcohol in a pool, strictly forbidden in the Mormon Church. At the same time, Whitney and her husband even try a few sips of champagne (they find it disgusting).
Later in the series, Demi Engeman surprises the girls with tickets to Chippendales on an all-girls, no-boys weekend. The Chippendales visit leads to conflict between Jen Affleck and her husband Zac, who says that she should have fun raising the kids alone. And, this leads to pushback from the girl gang.
They Band Together
Some of the most striking moments in The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives are when they drop their bickering and band together. Following Jen and Zac’s argument, Demi becomes concerned. “When it comes to Jen and Zac’s relationship, it is a little alarming to me that the way that she talks about how Zac wants things to be more traditional,” she says, “especially when it comes to the church, they think that their women owe them by doing things a specific way to prove that they are only that man’s wife and it’s so strange to me. It’s like you can have fun with your girls and go out and wear what you want to wear and be completely loyal to your husband.”
This is the heart of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. In a nutshell, millennial (and Gen Z) mums are on a collision course with their ancient faith. Whether they’ll bring the church forward or head for the exit door remains to be seen.
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- Meet The ‘Mormon Wives’ Of Your Next Favourite Reality Binge
- All The Season 1 Drama Of ‘The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives’
- ‘It Was Like Swapping In Front Of Each Other’ Your New Favourite Mormon Swingers Series Is Here
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