Our Married At First Sight couples are moving in together! Before a commitment ceremony! With one couple literally not speaking to each other! It’s wild stuff out here in the 2021 season.
As always, the couples are moving into “apartments” the size of an ant’s shoebox, with tiny beds to match. You couldn’t pay me enough money to do this with a long-term partner, let alone a complete stranger.
Everyone settles in. Bryce seems to think it’s completely normal to wear a hat indoors.
Sam talks to us about how she’s moving in alone, and is questioning why she’s giving up all her time with her kids for this. I feel like these people forget they can just… leave? Like if you’re really over it, just go home?
Cameron moves in too, which surprises her – they have a conversation but it quickly derails and he storms out within 30 minutes. So THAT’S going well.
Meanwhile, the producers slide notes under everyone’s doors while they’re sleeping. It’s the start of something new called Confession Week, which is meant to “fast track the get to know you stage” according to John but in actual fact involves absolutely godforsaken tasks like lining up other husbands and wives according to hotness. What. On. Earth. Honestly I love this show but sometimes it really is more like “How To Cause Self Esteem Problems In People You Barely Know” more than it is “Married At First Sight”.
Alana and Jason go first, and she puts Jake at the top because he’s a) hot but b) looks her in the eyes when he talks, which makes her feel he’s really listening. This is all (obviously) spliced with shots of Jason looking anywhere but at Alana, so.
But then at the very end, she puts him at the top! She thinks he’s the hottest and best husband! But then we head over to Bryce The Worst who is of course being The Worst and puts Melissa in 4th place, behind Bec, Booka and Sam. She’s crushed – although I feel like it could easily have been worse. Still, no one likes being 4th.
She then does her line up of the guys and puts Bryce in first place, saying she told her grandparents on their wedding day that she thought he was hot. He is beside himself with awkwardness and, I feel I detected, a little smugness too. Gross.
Other couples like Belinda and Patrick are doing a different task, where one has to write a personal story about something they’ve never told anyone before. Belinda’s is about being bullied in high school. Coco and Sam also have this task, and Coco’s story is pretty rough – she tells Sam about how badly her ex husband hurt her emotionally, but Sam gets bored and tells us privately that Coco “goes on a bit” when she tells stories. Who IS this guy? Seriously? I actually can’t wait for Coco to cheat on him, if those rumours are true.
Meanwhile, John has come in the mediate Girl Sam and Cam’s fractured relationship. After a lot of talking where they essentially both say the same shit they’ve already said, it seems like they’re understanding each other a bit more.
Now it’s Belinda and Patrick’s turn to do the hotness ranking, and they both put each other at number 1. Cute, also probably lies. Then Coco and Sam do it – first, Sam rambles on about women being hormonal and getting upset about their looks, but when he puts Coco at number 4 on his hotness scale, she doesn’t seem that upset. However, when she puts him in the BOTTOM four on hers, he has a baby tanty and says she’s doing it to get back at him.
Before we see the end of that car crash, Sam and Cam have a proper chat and decide to give things a proper shot. They seem a long way off reconciliation but who knows?
Back to Coco and Sam, who are now chatting about the aftermath of the hotness ranking. Sam once again accuses her of pulling a cheap shot, and she has a proper go at him, saying that he can’t be mad about this when he’s consistently criticised her body and personality while she’s stayed quiet about his. These two are going nowhere fast – and it looks like in tomorrow’s episode, Cam and Coco get a bit closer. Seems those cheating rumours are going to be true!
Melissa Mason is digital editor of marie claire. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram.
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