Ever since announcing the devastating loss of their third child, a son named Jack, in October, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have been incredibly vocal about the heartbreaking journey, from why the couple chose to share such candid images in the hospital room to processing grief after losing a child, with the Cravings founder even revealing she’s decided to get sober.
Four months on and Teigen is reflecting on how the tragedy “transformed” her, speaking to Ellen Degeneres about how she’s become a “better person now.”
“Looking at those pictures now, it seems like so long ago,” the stare told the TV host on February 8. “Of course, everything was such a blur. Even thinking back to it now, I am still in therapy about it, and I’m still coming to terms with it.”
Continuing, Teigen said that the “constant reminders” around her home had made moving on a challenge. “I have maternity clothes, and there are things that I bought for my eighth month and my ninth month,” she said. “So it’s just hard because he would’ve been born this week, so you look at those things and you have these constant reminders.”
The star went on to say that the experience, while heartbreaking, has been “transformative.”
“Being Thai and being raised in a house that was very open about loss, I think it was really helpful because I see it as—it can be a beautiful thing. It was a really transformative thing for me, and in a way, it really saved me, because I don’t think that I would’ve discovered therapy and then sobriety and this path of feeling good about myself and feeling like a new person.”
This week, Teigen also reflected on what would have been Jack’s upcoming due date, sharing several photos taken from the music video shoot for Legend’s “Wild” in which the couple first announced the pregnancy to the world.
She captioned: “these are from our video shoot for ‘Wild’ in Mexico. I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand-on-belly trick at the end. I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks…”
“not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so,” Teigen emotionally wrote. “He would have been here any day now – if he were like Luna and Miles, I’d probably be holding him as we speak. I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse.”
If you or someone you know needs pregnancy loss support, please contact: Pink Elephants Support Network at 1800 882 436, SANDS at 1300 072 637, Bears of Hope at 1300 11 HOPE or Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636.
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