On International Day Of The Girl 2023, founder and chief creative officer of Anine Bing shares a letter to her daughter Bianca.
To my daughter,
The other day, I was sitting at your karate class and you were kicking like I’ve never seen a kid kick before. You kicked higher than all the boys in that class. You watched with a careful eye and then went after what you wanted with full force. In these moments, I know you have so much power and are dedicated to what you want. This is why you are special.
I know you probably think I’m saying all this because I’m your mother, and that’s true. I’ll always love you more than most, but I believe, my sweet girl, that you are special. Special because you are brave, funny and confident; but also special because you are a woman. I remember the first day you were born. We stayed up all night just looking into each other’s eyes. We had an instant connection, my little girl with the huge brown eyes.
Being a mom has changed me, and I have you to thank for that. Your scope of lessons is wide. You have made me a professional juggler, teaching me how to get a million things done in no time, when before you, one errand could take me the whole day.
You have taught me how to laugh; and not just a quick giggle, but to really laugh and enjoy myself during life’s funny moments. You have taught me how to cut away all the nonsense. There are only 24 hours in the day and, with you, I have learnt how to spend them right—reading you bedtime stories, sharing a croissant with you, or singing the songs my mom used to sing with you. Besides being a built-in alarm clock for my mornings, you have taught me how to prioritise my time and choose what’s important—you and Benjamin always, work emails only sometimes.
I’ll be the first to admit I don’t have it all figured out. I want to set an example for you: that following your dreams is worth it, that hard work is worth it. But this makes me a working mom, which means that sometimes I can’t tie everything up with a bow at the end of the day. I would love to be able to cook you and Benjamin great dinners every night. I know what usually ends up happening is take-out and some extra cuddles to make up for it. I dream about being the mom who has healthy food prepared on a daily basis, but I also dream about setting realistic expectations for you and being a role model.
So here’s a piece of advice: it’s ok if you can’t do it all. Sometimes you will feel like you aren’t enough. As a woman, I feel like I want to be everywhere and do my best everywhere, and it’s not always possible. My lesson to you, little one, is that you should never be so hard on yourself. Being a woman is hard work! Focus on one thing at a time. You won’t be able to do everything and that’s ok. Take care of yourself.
I have learnt through my trials that picking your priorities is the key to being happy and, while I might not always have a hand-tossed salad for you on the table, I will always be ready with a hug, a laugh, or an ear to listen. Choose the things that fill your soul and do those things fully, instead of doing a million things half-assed. Trust me on this one.
A lot of parents have dreams and hopes for their kids; for you, I only ask three things: That you always believe in yourself. I don’t care if you get into Harvard or run your own company.
I want you to live your life without pressure, but always with purpose. Travel the world and figure out who you are and who you want to be. Your only demand of yourself should be to follow your heart. By doing this, you will find your people, your happiness and yourself. That you always stay open-minded and willing to grow. I look at you, seven years old as I write this, and you are so much more than a seven-year-old should ever be. You have the best sense of humour and are so creative—always coming up with little drawings of designs you think I should add to collections
You’re an old soul, and so caring and sweet to everyone around you. Don’t lose that. Stay open to all kinds of people, lift other women up and keep running wild with your imagination. Stay smart and intuitive by keeping your eyes open. Say yes to things that scare you, but say no to things you don’t have time for. It’s important to remember it’s ok to take chances, but it’s also ok to say no when you need to. That you throw fear out of the window. If you live in fear, you will never win. I would never have come this far with my business if I wasn’t willing to try and maybe fail. Don’t worry so much; everything will be ok.
I guess I always followed my dreams, but I also always worried along the way. So I hope you will be more present and not worry as much about the future. It is yours and you are ready to take it. The best gift my mom gave me was letting me be me. I can write this letter, but only you can be in charge of writing your story. So just be, and you will conquer the world.
Love you always, Mommy
Extract from Grace Mothers: Letters To Our Children
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