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It was supposed to be just another Tinder date.
But for a young Australian woman who recently shared her story on Hack, the evening ended in betrayal when she became a victim of stealthing – a disturbing trend where men remove their condom partway through sex with without the knowledge or consent of his partner.
In an essay published on Hack, the unnamed woman explained how her Tinder date, who she describes as “charming” and “older”, sneakily slipped the condom off mid-intercourse. When she confronted him, he didn’t stop. Instead she says, “He continued to self-gratify until completion – unable to see the error in his ways.”
Describing how the experience affected her, she said: “After the shock dissipated, I felt violated, I was stuck thinking about the impending doctor’s visit, and the fear that I’d contracted something life altering from this absolute twat.”
“I entered into a physical understanding with specific expectations, I consented to protected sex, and this man took it upon himself to disregard the autonomy of my body and do as he pleased with no consequences. That is just not okay,” she added.
A recent study from the Yale Law School by Alexandra Brodsky has placed the trend of non-consensual condom removal into the lime light. Brodsky describes the practice as “a harmful and often gender-motivated form of sexual violence.”
By exposing victims to the physical risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, Brodsky says the stealthing is “a grave violation of dignity and autonomy.” And anecdotally, it seems to be all too common.
Since shedding light on the phenomenon, Brodsky has called for new sexual assault laws specifically for stealthing.
In Sweden earlier this year, a man was convicted of rape after he had unprotected sex with his date when she thought he was wearing a condom. The court heard the pair started having sex with a condom, but the man removed it without his date’s knowledge or permission, reports The Metro UK.
The woman said she would have refused to have sex with him, had she known he wasn’t wearing a condom. The unnamed 47-year-old man was handed a 12-month suspended jail term.
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual violence, call the National Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 737 732 or 1800RESPECT.
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