When I woke to the news of Kate Spade’s death – and a rushed 5am email from my editor – my initial reaction was shock, followed by a deep sadness for her 13-year-old daughter and family.
But reading all of the heartfelt tributes at work, I was surprised at the wave of emotions I felt. I actually had to hold back tears at my desk while reading about the impact Spade, 55, had on so many women’s lives.
Women who say Spade’s fun and quirky designs were the first time they’d felt beautiful and accepted and others who recalled their feelings of joy and accomplishment at getting a job and being able to buy a Kate Spade handbag for themselves.
My sadness was compounded by the fact that Spade had chosen to end her own life. I felt – and still feel – so upset that people think in that moment that they have no other option.
Two days later, beloved celebrity chef and TV host Anthony Bourdain died aged 61, also by suicide and also leaving behind a young daughter (aged 11). Though I didn’t follow his travel and food shows, in recent times he’s been a man I have really admired for his open support of the Me Too movement.
Bourdain’s partner, Asia Argento, was one of the women who came forward to accuse Harvey Weinstein of rape, and during Cannes Film Festival delivered a powerful speech telling those in the room with her that they are still not doing enough.
Bourdain praised Argento for her strength saying, “I was so proud of her. I am honoured to know someone who has the strength and fearlessness to do something like that.” Argento has since said she is “beyond devastated” over Bourdain’s death.
Though we don’t yet know the specifics of Bourdain’s death (Spade’s husband, Andy, confirmed she had battled with depression and mental illness for years), two high-profile suicides in one week prove that we have no idea what is going on in other people’s lives.
Spade lived in a Manhattan apartment. She created an incredibly successful business with her husband before selling it and having enough to live comfortably (her net worth is estimated at $150m) and raise her daughter. Though she had marital problems – she and her husband were living apart in the months before her death – her family was still close, they still holidayed together and Andy says they were still trying to work on their marriage.
Bourdain won more awards than he could count. He was one of the most talented and respected chefs in the world, he was in the middle of filming his popular CNN show, Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown, he was worth an estimated $16m, and, according to a friend, he had never been happier than he was in the past year.
In a world where we’re obsessed with having perfectly curated Instagram feeds, showing off only the best parts of our lives, it’s easy to feel envious and as if others are happier – or doing better – than we are.
Both Bourdain and Spade had more money and success than many of us could even dream of, however, even they felt helpless. Their deaths are a harrowing reminder that even if it looks like someone has it all, outward impressions of people’s lives are never going to be correct.
It’s important now, more than ever, to use these devastating events to speak and listen to those around you, to remember that we never really know what others are going through, and to reach out and seek help.
If you or anyone you know needs help or advice, please call Lifeline (131 114) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636).
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