The world of dating often brings with it experiences that many of us would rather forget, and news of viral stories from women on dating apps and beyond are still all too common. But, when one Sydney university student began receiving verbal abuse from a date she politely declined unwanted sexual advances from, she decided to publicly call him out—and it’s since gone viral for all the right reasons.
Ebonie Sanderson took to her social media to share a series of abusive messages she received from 28-year-old Tom, a man she had matched with on Tinder, alongside a proud photo of herself naked.
“This is what happens when you say NO or call out a man for being disrespectful!!!,” she began in the caption, alongside the string of audio notes and text messages after declining Tom’s invitation to meet him at his Bondi home.
The below messages are confronting and could be triggering to some.
Before continuing, Ebonie warned followers the messages included “CYBER BULLYING, HARASSMENT, SEXISM, FATPHOBIA AND MISOGYNISTIC BEHAVIOUR!!!”
Tom called Ebonie an “ugly, fat, time-wasting wh*re”, “a fat f*cking pig” and even claimed she would have been a “one-time f*ck.”
He even went as far as to say: “Look at my f*ckin’ face. I don’t struggle getting laid. I turned down a chick tonight.”
Ebonie continued in the caption, “You apparently earn yourself the right to get verbally abused and fat-shamed on more than one platform. No, I didn’t ‘ask for it’ and yes, I’m entitled to change my mind and tell someone I’m not interested anymore because I feel uncomfortable and intimidated by ones aggressive and forceful nature.”
The post was picked up by Clementine Ford and Nadia Bokody, and many began emailing Tom’s place of employment which resulted in him being fired over the vile behaviour.
Tom’s former boss told the Daily Mail that he was “shocked and disgusted” by the behaviour, which amounted to “an act of serious misconduct”. “I have four daughters aged between 10 months and nine years old so that was one of the first things I thought about, and my blood boiled to imagine someone to ever speak to one of my little girls like that.”
Following Ebonie’s viral post, more than 20 other women have since come forward to share their experiences of abuse, harassment and even blackmail from Tom.
Of those, Erin Hinds, told her story to the Daily Mail, saying she too was sent derogatory messages calling her a “wh*re” and a “sl*t” when she told him she wasn’t interested.
Speaking to news.com.au, Ebonie said the most shocking thing to come out of her experience was that this “awful behaviour” is all too common.
“The truth is, this happens more than we think. So many women resonated with this kind of sexist, abusive behaviour and it was really sad to discover just how real it is,” she told the outlet. “I also think us women often cater to this behaviour far too often, we’re so polite and let disrespectful men treat us this way without any consequences.”
The publication confirmed that Tinder had since removed Tom’s profile.
Ebonie concluded her post with a powerful message of body positivity: “I will never change my weight for anyone else but MYSELF!!!”
If you or someone you know needs help or advice, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. If you need help immediately, please call 000.
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